6 Word Memoir

THE WORLD IS MINE... ooh! TV.

Now that she's mobile
Chasing LMJ will be
A life's endeavor

Surreptitiously
Psuedoanalytical
Interpretations

I cannot believe
That my nipples were bleeding
Too much exercise

The Ten Commandments
Chuck Heston's Finest Moment
But white Egyptians?

This Probably Isn't That Big a Deal But...

The History Channel is changing its name to “History”. "Our brand is, in the media landscape, synonymous with the genre of history so I don't think it's presumptuous of us to call ourselves History," said Nancy Dubuc, the network's executive vice president. What the hell is wrong with you? First, history isn’t a genre. It’s a subject. It’s a topic. It’s a major. It’s a discipline. To some people it’s a complete waste of time – I’m talking to you Mr. President – but it’s not a genre. Stephen Hawking isn’t an Astrophysics stylist. This really bothers me. This lady runs a television network dedicated to an academic field. Her performance affects other people’s jobs. How does she not know what a genre is? Second, are other channels going to change their names? Is Channel 4 The Local Station going to change its name to Local? “Our brand is, in the media landscape, synonymous with the genre of local so I don’t think it’s presumptuous of us to call ourselves Local,” said Rob Sweeting, the stations six o’clock anchor. Are the broadcast networks going to compete over who gets to be Crap, or will they be satisfied reaching into a hat and randomly choosing Garbage, WTF?, and You Gotta Be Kidding Me? Is MTV going to change its name to Anything Except Music Videos? America is getting stupider by the minute, and I seem powerless to stop it. Maybe Communications should be reduced from a major to a class, along with Marketing and Management (6 hours of Marketing and 12 hours of Management help make up my degree). All they seem to offer is a lack of cognitive agility. They are why transition is now a verb. They are why companies now say they want to service – as opposed to serve – their customers( My mom's favorite). Servicing a customer used to apply only to prostitution and husbandry. Then again, I definitely feel screwed by most of the companies I deal with, so maybe they're not that far off. At least MS Word still catches processees as a misspelling. I hate that “new” word the most. It’s as if procex was the singular form instead of process. I’ve veered off of the road. It’s just that Ms. Dubuc’s statement is so absolutely ridiculous, it forced me to comment.

In the beginning
There was nothing. And now
Condominiums.

The moon is a rock
Dwayne Johnson once was the Rock
Synchronicity

It is late at night
I don’t know why I’m awake
It’s past my bedtime

Sweet potato puffs,
Cheerios for LMJ
A baby girl grows

One Down

Right is the 5k! Left is the 10k! That’s what the guy with the bullhorn was yelling at the, roughly, half way point in today’s St. Patty’s day run through Evergreen Cemetery, and I had a choice to make. Last week after I skipped the River Run, I pushed my goals out a year and one of the goals was to race at least ten times in ’08, and the St. Patty’s Day race was the first. It was a 5k/10k race where runners chose their distance when they signed up. It was in my vigor, but not so much my vim, to start the year off aggressively so I chose 10k. Choosing a 10k distance on a website is just as easy as choosing a 5k distance, but it’s much harder to run 10 kilometers than it is to run 5. I knew this when I clicked the radio button but didn’t appreciate it. As the week wore on and I was still sore on Friday from my workout on Tuesday I fully appreciated. I thought to myself that choosing the longer distance was stupid and that no one would have thought less of me if I had chosen the shorter distance. This thought ran through my mind right up until I approached the guy with the bullhorn. I could make a right and be done in about four hundred yards or I could make a left and run another 3.4 miles. Well, I decided not to be a rooty-poo candy-ass and I made the left turn, and I’m glad I did. I ran what was basically a second lap through the graveyard and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn’t set any wild expectations for this race. I wanted to finish in under an hour and a half. I finished in an hour and six minutes. I ran at a leisurely pace right under eleven minutes a mile. It was laid back and groovy, and if I ever planned on dying and being buried I wouldn’t mind Evergreen Cemetery. But if I do die, I'm not being buried. I want to be thrown, bodily, into the Caribbean Sea where I will be devoured by all manner of sea creature.

My wife wants me to
Write a haiku on days I
Don't post something else

Better Luck Next Year

I can’t decide if skipping this year’s River Run was a good choice or not. I’m glad I didn’t because I could have died, and even if I didn’t die I still would have been pissed at my time. On the other hand, I could have run it and gotten a new t-shirt and medal and let go of my ridiculous athlete fantasies. It’s not like I’m going to win the freaking thing. I am certain that this is all LMJ’s fault. I had no idea how much energy she would take. I expected to have to streamline my schedule, but when I do have the time to exercise I don’t have the energy, especially for running.

Running sucks. A chick named Deena Drossin won the women’s division and was the first runner to pass us at the south side base of the Main Street Bridge. She didn’t look happy to be there and she was winning, which is further evidence that there is no such thing as a runner’s high. Being finished with a run is great, but it’s all relative. Everybody feels good when the pain stops.

I’m done bitching and moaning and whining, and I’m goaling. I’m just extending my 2008 goals into 2009. I want to finish the 2009 Gate River Run in under an hour. This year, however, I’m adding goals for MJ. By River Run time next year she will be able to run 1 mile in under ten minutes (bonus if she can do it without complaining) and she will be able to either bench press her own bodyweight or do 100 pushups – and I don’t mean the Good Humor tasty treat. Another goal I have for myself is to run a minimum of ten races. They’re fun, they’re healthy, and they’re a good family activity, so there’s no reason not to run at least one a month. I just registered for the 10k St. Patty’s Day Run next Sunday.