Saturday, September 27, 2008

Just Pick a Motley Crue Song

Motley Crue members Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee had a contest during one of their world tours during the late ‘80’s to see who could go the longest without bathing and still hook up with groupies. They went months and never reached that point. Their own filth disgusted them more than it disgusted the groupies, and they bathed. I think the Republican Party is having a similar contest. They’re trying to find out how unfit a nominee can be and still get elected. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to have reached their own filth threshold. They started with Ronald Reagan, a semi-wax figure former B movie actor, and supply sider. George H.W. Bush was given the VP slot to assuage the fears of actual Conservatives in the Republican Party – as opposed to the Dixiecrats that treat the party like the new socially acceptable Ku Klux Klan. Reagan was a way to dip their toes in the River Tard. Dan Quayle was a proto W, but since his wife, Marilyn, is smart and hardworking and always did Dan’s homework anyway, they had a backstop. Twelve years later they cannonballed in with a fully (non)functional W and consummate grumpy old man Dick Cheney. Think about this. Half the country voted (twice) for a spoiled, lazy, son of New England old money talking with a fake Southern accent. The over/under on how long it is before W starts sounding like Thurston Howell III after he leaves office is three weeks. This brings us to SARAH! DON’T F**K WITH OUR SARAH!!! The reelection of W shook my father’s faith in God. If SARAH! is a bone in McCain’s bangers and mash away from the Oval Office I’m pretty sure he’s going to turn to Voodoo and there will be sacrifices in the back yard. If ignorance is bliss then she knows heaven. She’s vacuous like a stereotypical beauty queen, and I don’t know where that comes fr…oh wait a minute, that’s right. Women are starting to feel sorry for her because she’s so far out of her element, and I’m afraid this is going to turn into votes for her. If McCain and Palin are elected I don’t know how the Republican Party tops it. The groupies are clearly ready for some unprotected group sex in a pig sty.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Just some random thoughts from my day so far

I just got an e-mail from an investment company lauding the benefits of transparency in today’s market. Should I infer that opaqueness was the way to go in yesterday’s market? Since when is honesty a marketing ploy?

I was ogling these two hot chicks in the elevator this morning, and they ruined the moment by opening their mouths. They sounded like Taylor Mali’s poem “Totally like whatever, you know?” One chick kept making statements that sounded like questions like, “I haven’t even picked out a dress yet? I mean I haven’t even looked in my closet?” The other chick added, “Yeah”.

I hate paperwork. I had to skip the gym this morning so I could get my ducks in a row for a meeting tomorrow. I have to write a letter of instruction that can’t be misunderstood, but can’t come across as condescending. This is difficult because I am condescending. The people in Fidelity’s back office are stupid, in an officious “I’ll make you redo this out of spite” kind of way. I once got an application sent back because they said my 2 looked like a 6 and they just wanted to make sure they got it right. It never occurred to them that there is no 16th month of the year. No one was born on 16/25/1941. Unless one of them happens to be reading this, in which case they’re the best in the industry and that’s why I do business with them.

I hate the Florida Gators. If they win the national championship in football this year I’m going to have to kill myself or a lot of other people. I hate the Seminoles more. There are no academic requirements for athletes at FSU. FAMU being in Tallahassee is a massive recruiting advantage, so what possible excuse can the coaching staff have for fielding a crappy team for the eighth year in a row. The last time Florida State didn’t suck Bill Clinton was still President.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Conspiracy Theory

I was speaking with someone a couple of days ago. I'm not going to name names for everyone's safety of course, but this person posited this scenario. John McCain is elected; four months or so later Sarah Palin resigns because of "family matters", and Joe Leiberman becomes the VP. The VP McCain always wanted. After a couple of days of this idea marinating, it seems plausible to me.

Another theory is that the idea of the lovely governor and hockey mom was sold to the geezer as a way to bring in women and younger voters, but she's really just a right wing puppet and the Republican powers that be are going to bust a cap in his ass and Dick Cheney will remain the VP. I truly believe that if the Republican inner circle caught McCain and Obama together, but only had one noose, John Mcain would get strung up. They hate his stinking guts.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Spin Cycle

Are you kidding me? This is the coolest thing ever. I hope it STORMNIHILATES everthing between California and China. I know I shouldn't be wishing for death and destruction, but I see this as an out-of-the-box solution to over-population and world hunger. When this thing hits category 5 I'm getting T-shirts and baseball caps made.