I'm Still Bored

I’m thinking about buying a new amplifier for my guitar, but as with all things technical, I’m stuck between wanting something really cool and paying for it. On the one hand all I need is a small practice amp. The new ones have a bunch of bells and whistles, and the best part about the practice amp is that the top of the line is only a couple hundred dollars. On the other hand there’s METAL, and if I’m going to bang out some serious heavy metal, I’m going to need a big amp – a stack. I can’t conjure up the damned without a lot of volume. I believe that if your nose isn’t bleeding then the music isn’t loud enough. The downside is that I could be out a couple grand before I get the specially made strings so I can tune down to the low C. We won’t get into the confrontations with the neighbors, the police, or my wife, and it’s not like I’m Yngwie Malmsteen – Yngwie J. Malmsteen. I think it’s funny that he feels he needs his middle initial out there. I guess he doesn’t want to get confused with the other Yngwies. I also think it’s funny that he hasn’t worn pants made out of cloth since 1983.


What happens if you give an elephant LSD? A couple of a-holes answered this question in 1962. They were scientists until they pulled the trigger on the dart gun. There are no stupid questions, but there are stupid experiments and this was one. I’m not a mathematician but I’m going to estimate the chances of something good happening when you shoot up an elephant with a bunch of acid at zero. Did these guys think they’d get hippie elephants? A bull elephant trippin’ balls, what could possibly go wrong? It ran around for a bit and then died. The a-holes published their findings, concluding that elephants are extremely sensitive to LSD. Of course the public was not pleased, and the a-holes used the “How were we supposed to know?” defense. They had both taken the drug and neither of them had died. Ever the optimist, one of the a-holes figured that if a large heard of elephants needed to be destroyed quickly, at least they found out LSD was an option. So the experiment wasn’t a total loss.

When Does The Next Harry Potter Come Out?

I’m in an entertainment funk. Last night the only television show I watch, Battlestar Galactica, had its finale, and I finished the book I was reading, Hunger Games, this morning. I’m not into any other TV because it’s all crap. It’s hard to find Reaper, and every other show on right now has jumped the shark. I can’t bring myself to watch any of the new episodes of the CBS crime dramas, new cast members or not. I actually prefer watching reruns on ION and A&E. I would read but it’s hard for me to get into a book. A fiction writer has about forty pages to pique my interest before I give up. I’m not going to force myself through a book just because other people like reading more than I do. I’ve tried to read Bradbury, Tolkien, and Vonnegut. I’ve tried reading the classics. They’re all boring. Give me some poorly written Dan Brown any day. I’m not suggesting that Dan Brown is a good writer, but at least he gets on with it. My favorite writer, Carl Hiaasen wrote a children’s book this year, and I just don’t get into them the same way I do his stuff written for adults. Reality TV has stabbed formally scripted TV in the liver, and now we’re watching scripted TV die a slow, painful, inevitable death. There is absolutely no reason to produce a well written television program. It’s cheaper and quicker to get people to sell their dignity on camera. With Battlestar Galactica retiring, the only show I’d cross the street to watch is The Closer, and they’re always on hiatus. I’m stuck reading non-fiction. I’m reading about the human Diasporas out of prehistoric Africa. I’m also reading about medieval Christianity – what a bunch of freaks. I’m bored out of my mind. Maybe I’ll feel better when I can get back to the gym regularly. This all might be from a lack of endorphins.