Struggled To Get It Started, Struggled To Get It Stopped

I had a rather uneventful day with my baby girl. She has a cold so we took it easy today. I dressed her funny because I really don’t have any idea about what goes together and what doesn’t – as far as clothes are concerned. I know beer goes with anything, from sliders to asparagus marmalade. We played and read a lot today. When she took her nap she couldn’t breathe, so she didn’t sleep very well or very long. She didn’t wake up grumpy though. I think she doesn’t like being asleep because she’s afraid she’s going to miss something, so she got an extra hour of not missing stuff this afternoon.

The Catholics are freaking out about Angels & Demons coming out, which is just dumb. It’s an awful book, and in the history of cinema there has never been a good movie made from a bad book. I’m thinking about being outraged at their outrage. Do they really think I’m dumb enough to let a movie directed by Opie Taylor color my attitude about a 2,000 year old cult religion? You’ve spent nearly that whole time being secretive, and now you’re pissed because somebody took liberties with the truth as they filled in the blanks. Or did they?

I had a couple of heavy metal moments today. The first one was when I found a video mash up on YouTube of every time Slayer says hell, Satan or any variation on a record, and none of them were repeated so if hell is in a chorus it only gets counted once. They did the same thing with Metallica and death and dying. I thought they were pretty funny. Both bands have been around since the early ‘80’s so the videos went on a little bit. These guys might want to look into getting some counseling. The other metal moment was, seemingly out of the blue, Grammy asked me if I knew who Iron Maiden was. I was stunned. My brain didn’t know which way to go. Has she always been a secret metal fan, or is she just now dipping her toe into the pool. I went with Occam’s razor and kept everything simple and just said “Yeah?” This was the right choice because she went on to explain that her hairdresser’s husband is going to see them in Fort Lauderdale, and she told Grammy to ask me about them. The world is still okay.

I’ve had to move the Irish up in my beer crafting power rankings. I had them at number 4 behind Holland, Germany, and Canada, but they bumped the Canucks down a spot, claiming number 3. I was turned on to Smithwick’s Ale recently - pronounced Smiddicks. I’m not a big Ale guy. I think it tends to be too sweet, but this is a top 5 beer period. It was originally made by Franciscan monks in some abbey. If they’re going to make beer this good, hell, let the Catholics have Opus Dei and the Knights Templar and any shadow society they want. Hail Mary, full of grace.

Sure, why not?

What the f**k? The Catholic Church is pimping plenary indulgences, again. Isn’t this what got you folks in trouble 500 years ago with some overzealous Germans? Is “overzealous Germans” redundant? Was W right, is the Apocalypse upon us? Did he usher in the end of days? I ask because people are losing their freaking minds – Stephen Wise. I’m not Catholic. This doesn’t affect me, but I’m baffled that highly educated, politically astute men of the Catholic episcopate came to a consensus that this was a good idea. Even the Republican Party figured out that you can’t continually turn inward and expect to survive. Martin Luther’s idea that the Church shouldn’t be dealing with sin on a cash and carry basis caught on a while ago. Didn’t the rampant violence tip the Church off that something was amiss – possibly, maybe, perhaps? Two lessons should be learned from the response to Luther’s theses: first, be careful what you write down, and second, to paraphrase Princess Leia, the more you tighten your fist, the more parishes will slip through your fingers. In a world more cynical than ever, made even more so by the global recession, the literal powers that be decided to start selling granting plenary indulgences in an effort to make what was old new again. Are there bishops somewhere in a dark dungeon in the Vatican trying to get Galileo re-excommunicated? This is kind of like Coca Cola reintroducing cocaine into the mix. F**K WIT DAT RED BULL! PUNK ASS DIET PEPSI MAX BITCHES. CHECK OUT THE NEW PROPRIETARY BLEND. WHAT WAS OLD IS NOW BRAND NEW AGAIN. IT DOES RHYME! SHUT UP!! I WILL KILL YOU!! It seems like a good idea in a vacuum or if the only bad ideas are the ones not voiced, but in the real world it’s not going to sell, and people are going to not only think you’re out of touch, but that you’re crazy.