Print or Die!!!

I rolled into my office this morning at 6:55 a.m. I had about twenty minutes of paperwork to do, and then I was headed to the gym to blast the crap out of my delts. I left my office at 10:00 a.m. I hate printers. Why can't they just print? 90% of the stuff I am forced to print is in a pdf format, and for some reason the printers like to play games with pdf files. They print each page as its own document and then pause. It's a quirky idiosyncrasy when I only need two or three pages printed, but I was printing life insurance illustrations and applications. It was for a couple so there was two of everything plus one joint application and policy. Our office printers aren't your run-of-the-mill inkjets. They're diesel powered giga-printers. They spit out word documents like a wood chipper spits out mulch, but Word isn't as web friendly as Adobe Acrobat so nobody uses Word. I spent three hours doing twenty minutes of work, and I missed my workout. I can't hit my shoulders until Saturday.

Fortunately, I was able to take out some of my agression on John. John is the pumpkin I carved for Halloween -- my first. Carving the pumpkin is one of the many new duties that have become mine as a new dad. MJ dressed up as a sexy witch. It wasn't the look she was going for, but she just can't help it. LMJ dressed up as a mermaid. And I dressed up as a knife wielding knegro -- a sexy one, I can't help it. I don't know why we didn't get many trick or treaters? I call the Jack O'Lantern John because only his friends call him Jack, and he doesn't have any friends. It was supposed to be a cautionary tale for the trick or treating youngtsters, but it's something better said than written. Kind of like, "The Force is with you young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet." That's only special because of James Earl Jones and Dolby sound. Charles Nelson Reilly couldn't pull it off. I did a much better job on John than I expected to. I assumed that precision stabbing required some skill but it doesn't. Not like hacking up the corpse of a Wendy's drive-thru guy who gave you Diet Coke instead of Mr. Pibb like you asked, and getting it to fit inside a suitcase. We all know how much work that can be. I used the Lucy van Pelt method of outlining where I wanted to cut and commenced to carving with a big carving knife. Pumpkins are a big waste of space. What's the point of a hollow fruit? I am looking forward to next year though because I'm going to have a 17 1/2 month old assistant, and yeah she gets to handle the knife.