Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Everybody Underestimates the Kick to the Groin

My wife and I are expecting our first child in a few weeks, and I am starting to get nervous about what my responsibilities as a father are. According to Chris Rock my most important job is to keep her off the pole. Which used to be funny, but now I’m genuinely concerned about making sure my daughter doesn’t wind up a stripper. Starting with her mother and grandmothers, she will be surrounded by strong women with vastly different strengths, so that should make the anti-stripper values a little bit easier to instill. I know that I will have to get her involved in competitive sports: soccer, basketball, softball, MMA, etc. Hey LJ, I know what soccer, basketball, and softball are, but what’s MMA? I’m glad you asked. Mixed Martial Arts is the next step in the evolution of combat sports. It’s a mix of kickboxing, wrestling, and submission fighting. Gosh LJ, are you sure that’s something you want your daughter to be part of? That’s a good question. And yes I do. At some point about 16 and/or 17 years from now I imagine there will be a prom night. The thought of consensual things going on makes me want to run my fingers through a paper shredder and soak the stubs in lemon juice. The thought of non-consensual things starts the pilot light on feelings referenced last week, even though I'm a month away from meeting her for the first time. I know I probably won’t be able to be with her all the time so I’d like her to be able to take care of herself in any number of situations, hence the MMA. Strangely enough, this is a sexist response. If I had a son he would have the option of training in martial arts; my daughter doesn’t. If she is upset about it when she’s 25 and chokes me out, I will know that I have done my best. It would be even cooler if she fires me. The guy in the video is Bas “EL GUAPO” Rutten. He’s a semi-retired fighter from Holland and the coolest guy in the history of the world.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

The two best things a father can do for his daughter are 1) to love and respect her mother; 2) to help her understand that she is the most wonderful creature God ever made--smart, wise, sensible. My sisters and I wondered how, with our really protected childhoods and adolescences, we ever survived this wicked world. I know how: our father empowered us; he taught us self-respect (especially me) and self-control. He treated us like people, not possessions. With that from her father, your daughter will find (as your sister did0 that MMA is icing on the cake.

JSG said...

Be there. Be supportive. Help her to learn to love herself for her heart and for her mind, and to ignore what media and peers tell a girl to value. A tall order. Remember the MMA are ineffective if the girl initiates the prom night consensual activities.

And it gets even scarier when she graduates from Pampers to Pamprin in about 30 seconds. Brace yourself.