Bitten By The Bug.

Today wasn’t the best Sunday ever. I think were all coming down with H1N1. It’s all my fault because I was talking trash about the swine flu. It’s nothing special. The symptoms are exactly the same as the common flu, but instead of attacking really old people and really young people it seems to be attacking people in the middle. The common flu actually kills a lot more people than the swine flu. It’s superior in every way, as far as plagues are concerned, but the American news media panders to our cravenly natures e.g. swine flu is da debbil, Bobby Bouchet. Anyway, my taunting of the swine flu seems to have come back to bite me. I don’t really think I have the swine flu, but whatever. I’ve got a stuffy nose and post nasal drip, and I’m not happy. I hate getting sick. If it is the swine flu, bring it on bitch. My immune system is up for it. I’ve had the flu before and I’ll have it again. If Ron Weasly can beat this bug, I sure as hell can. And if I can’t then I never deserved to call myself a heterosexual American male. We all have to die some time. I just hope mine involves fire, twisted metal, dental records, and a 21xx date. Yes, I plan on living until I’m at least 130 and only then dying a violent death. LMJ will be 94. My parents will be 159. We’ll have a huge funeral on the moon if we can. If we can’t, it will be in the Caribbean. Rum will be served no matter where the funeral takes place – lots of rum. Unless MJ has her way, and has me reanimated so she can tell me how stupid I was for racing hover bikes – there will be hover bikes or I’m going to be pissed – at more than 130 years old. I don’t know if I will die like this, but I do know a cotton candy ass virus named after bacon will not be what shuffles me loose this mortal coil.