The Scope of the Blog

My baby mama (MBM) wants me to write here more often, and not restrict this to a running log on the web. She also wants me to keep it PG-13. I have a tendency to get a little dark, and she doesn't want a concrete record of my quirkiness -- psychosis is her word. Stream of Consciousness alert! I'm looking at my first sentence and I'm almost overwhelmed by the "running log on the web" pun opportunities. She says that once I start down the dark path, forever will it dominate my destiny. I don't remember if she put it just that way, but more eloquent she could not have been. So this entry is about how I came to running. Last March when MBM was on her "Hens' Weekend" I ate nothing but pizza and bratwursts, and I drank nothing but St. Paulie Girl (pbuh). I stepped on the scale the following Monday and tipped that bad boy at 259.5 lbs. Enough was enough. I dropped twelve pounds effortlessly, but then I couldn't lose another ounce. Apparently, when I turned thirty-five certain large chunks of fat decided to retire around my waist. They dug in like Zionists on the West Bank. This waist was promised to them by God, and they would not be removed. I was like Ariel Sharon. I had a large hand in putting these chunks there, and we'd had a lot of fun doing it. But for a healthy Israel/me some changes needed to be made. I saw a nutritionist in June, and she put me on a diet. I added an hour of cardio to my weight lifting, and I started to shrink. Maybe I'm not like Israel. Maybe I'm like Great Britain in the first half of the 20th century. I spent a long time building a glorious empire and now I was giving it back -- we'll call it streamlining. Anyway, I was in decent shape by October when a colleague of MBM put together a group to train for the River Run. I figured what the heck. J'ville is my home, and I should run the River Run at least once. Unfortunately, as is my wont, I am now obsessed with running faster and faster. I'm not running as a way to stay healthy. I'm running to beat whatever time I ran the last time. After the River Run -- if I survive -- I will be posting my fitness goals for the coming year.

Oh yeah, I've discovered the dietary wonder that is prunes. I've added 4oz. of prunes a day to the pound of spinach and 2 servings of oatmeal. You may refer to my colon as Chuck Norris.