Alberto Gonzales, Bill & Hillary Clinton, and Satan esq.

This is from the FAQ section of Tucker Max’s website. I’m not linking to his site because he’s not a good human being. But he’s a good writer and he’s funny, and that goes a long, long way in helping tolerate someone’s jerky tendencies. He graduated from Duke Law and decided writing about his adventures as an arrogant ass for a living was better than practicing law.



Should I get my JD? What is your advice for someone thinking about going into law school? Do you want to waste three years of your life debating stupid and utterly irrelevant minutia? Then yes, get your JD. Do you want to get a degree that allows you work the rest of your life in a tedious, shitty, unrewarding job? Then yes, get your JD. Are you a boring, facile, socially retarded whore, desperate for the illusion of money and success, regardless of the cost to your life and the lives of those you love? Then yes, get your JD. Do you want to squander your existence sitting in a lifeless office, churning out ultimately meaningless paperwork? Then yes, get your JD. Listen to me people: There is a reason that lawyers have the LOWEST job satisfaction of any profession in America. THE JOB SUCKS. It is horrible. If you know any lawyers, ask yourself: Are they happy with their job or their life? 90% of the time, the answer will be no. If the answer to that question is yes, then ask yourself, "Do I like that person." The answer will be almost always be no. The only lawyers who like their jobs are the sketchy ones that are the reason lawyers jokes are so prevalent and popular. Do you want to be that person? If so, then yes, get your JD.

I despise lawyers. It’s lawyers that ruin every good idea ever put into action. Who made the tax code the way it is? They play this ridiculous little game where they make up the rules as they go along and change them as it suits their needs, while excluding everyone not in the “club”. They’re parasites that prey on people at their weakest moments. They have win at any cost attitudes, and don’t understand when people caught in the collateral devastation get upset. They use game theory but don’t understand the math. How many lawyers have gotten rich off of terrorist bombings, hurricanes, and little old ladies? How many innocent people have state and district attorneys gotten executed because they were more interested in the book deal or the state legislature seat than the truth?

Maybe if the new lawyers I’ve had to deal with this week were funny then these last two post would have been as well.