EJG asked why don’t Christians celebrate Jewish holidays. I wondered this on a few occasions growing up. The first time I was eight or nine and celebrated my first Hanukah with my friend Neal. It was simple math: eight nights of gifts as opposed to one morning. It’s always about the money. The next time was when after moving from Washington to Jacksonville I no longer got Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah off from school. Now I think about it whenever I get asked by a complete stranger if I have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I try not to get angry that some jackass who has difficulty with the subtleties of Monday Night Raw is quoting the King James Bible and thinks he can boil the entirety of existence down to John 3:16. I try to appreciate the irony. I wonder if Messianic Judaism is the correct Christianity. Why shouldn’t I have a Passover Seder, if for no other reason than to upset my neighbors?
Is everything okay, LJ? Your door is wide open.
I don’t know, he said they’re waiting for Elijah.
Elijah, Elijah who?
Elijah Profits I think. Do you know him?
No, I think he was a linebacker for the Jags.
No, that’s Elijah Pitts.
This is just weird. I think we should call the cops.
There will need to be some ground rules though. First, bacon is staying on the menu and gefilte fish isn’t getting on. Second, I can’t grow facial hair. It’s genetic, there’s nothing I can do. Third, if I have a son I’m naming him after me. Other than that, I’m already circumcised, and we’ve always agreed that women are property and homosexuals should be tormented. What else is there? Mazel tov and LeChaim.
5 comments:
Why you are not writing holiday cards for Hallmark remains one of the great mysteries of this life.
You and Mark Morford are brothers from different mothers and that is the highest compliment I can give when I read another smart and mercilessly funny post from you.
I have never laughed so hard reading something from my monitor! That was one funny post! You made my day.
The whole last paragraph was a read-over, laughing all the way.
Shalom my lantsman. The Seder is overrated. By the time you finish all the khazerai in the Hagaddah, the kugel is cold and the brisket tastes like drek. Were it not for the Manaschevitz, we'd have lost the tradition long ago.
Yo, JSG! I just tried reading that comment outloud and now I have to wipe my screen. Nice.
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