MJ Wanted Me to Write About Obama's Speech, But I Was Watching These Instead

The Ultimate Warrior

The Ultimate Mechanic

The Ultimate Equine

The Ultimate Onion

I’m thinking about the profundity of yesterday’s post, and the stagnation of the male mind. One of the things I do that really irritates my wife is watching videos on YouTube and laughing hysterically. She asks what’s so funny. I answer you don’t want to know – and she doesn’t. Most likely, neither do you. None of this stuff is “you don’t want to know” in a Tony Soprano or Chris Hansen kind of way. That’s “I don’t want you to know” stuff. This stuff causes soul searching and raises questions like: How am I married to this idiot? How do I leave my daughter with this idiot? Is he ever going to outgrow this? If you haven’t clicked on any of the links above, they are videos of a professional wrestler raving about Hulk Hogan, a guy in a garage using an air compressor to make fart jokes, and a guy getting kicked in the head by a horse (he was beating the horse so he deserved it). There is also a link to an article from The Onion about Japanese porn. What these all have in common is that they have me in stitches every single time I watch or read them. I thought the law of diminishing returns was universal. Apparently it isn’t. At least not when it comes to “THE OATIMATE WOHYAHH” telling everyone why “HOAK HOGAN AND ALL HIS HOAKAMANIACS” will be disappointed at Wrestlemania 6. I can’t defend the videos other than to say it’s a guy thing, and women wouldn’t understand. The Onion article is well written, and I think may have some crossover appeal. The names of the distribution companies are my favorite. A big reason MJ gets upset is because when I find gems like these it’s usually late at night or first thing in the morning and my cackling might wake up the baby. I watch her run through a quick cost/benefit analysis of me in her head, and decide whether or not to put me out of her misery. It’s a good thing I can lift heavy stuff, and I change diapers.