Update: I Should Eat More Fiber Because This Is Painful

Expectant mothers with big busy body families? I’m trying to figure out exactly who would need Twitter because I want to convince myself that it’s not a sign of the Apocalypse. For those that don’t know, Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?. That’s from their web page. What a total, complete, absolute, all encompassing waste of time. I’m wasting time right now. My ramblings do not meet the minimum requirements to qualify as a constructive use of time. At best my blogging is mental exercise. I usually think when I do these things. At worst it’s a psychological profile that will be used at trial. However, it is not in the same realm of the putrid narcissism of Twitter. Why would anyone want a play-by-play account of the boring lives of 99.9999999% of us? Most of the status updates on Facebook are annoying me now, “It’s Monday and I’m at work!!!” is not an update anyone is interested in, except from my one friend who just got a new job after a long search. How is an entire website dedicated to that and nothing else? People that go on Jerry Springer should have Twitter accounts. I would love to know how they get to that point in their lives. The mom that just had eight babies even though she’s living on student loans should have Twitter. Basically, Twitter is good for the functionally retarded, so society at large will have a chance to stop some stupid decisions.

Plaxico’s Twitter: I’m looking for my gun so I can stick it in my pants and go have some fun.

Plaxico’s Wife's Twitter: Sweetie, I got rid of all the guns because we’re millionaires and have adequate police protection in our neighborhood. Not to mention that you’re stupid, and stupid people should never be armed. ILY.