I Hate The Elliptical Machine

I don’t like exercising inside as much as I do outside. I spent an hour on an elliptical machine at the Y today and it sucked – all 360 seconds of it. I was stuck watching Marquette play St. John’s in the Big East basketball tournament. They were making me angry with their horrible play. The score was eleven to four nine minutes into the game. These kids just didn’t have any talent. For the love of God shoot the damn basketball. Both teams were looking to get fouled and go to the free throw line instead of putting the ball in the basket the way Dr. Naismith envisioned. These guys were missing wide open shots that I was able to knock down in high school, and that’s taking into account the added pressure of tournament ball. Today, I’d be bangin’ out jumpers and talking next level trash. I wouldn’t feel the pressure because I wouldn’t care about winning or what the coach wanted. I’d care about getting my shots. Actually, none of that would happen. I just have the exact same delusions of grandeur every aging fat guy that earned a varsity letter at some point has. Normally I would have just changed the channel, but I was stuck on the elliptical machine, and nothing else was worth watching. I got on at 2:05 and tipoff was at 2:07, and since there were so many fouls, the game crawled along at a snails pace. I spent the entire time watching guys go through ridiculous routines at the free throw line just to miss them. I could turn the television off, but then I wouldn’t finish an hour on the machine. If I had to stare at a blank screen while fake skiing, I’d completely lose my mind. Cardiovascularly, it was a piece of cake, but the elliptical hits the muscles in the legs a little bit differently. I was determined to burn a minimum of 720 calories, which was made nearly impossible by the crappy basketball and sliding in place. I enjoy being outside so much more than being on a machine. Running outside is experiencing life. Using a cardio machine is imitating vermin. But the River Run is a few days away, I need to continue losing weight, and my feet and knees needed a break. So the low impact machine was a necessary evil. I also really miss lifting weights, and I’m looking forward to getting back into it next Monday. When I cross the finish line at the bottom of the Hart Bridge, running season is over for all intents and purposes. The next hard race, after the River Run, is the Tour du Pain, and that’s not until July or August.