We Can't Come, Ummm LMJ Has The Mange

Okay, so we went to dinner tonight at the house of a very nice couple. We didn’t like it very much. People are weird. The back story is that we want to redo our house, but we’re all visually retarded. I know that I can’t see how a space is broken down into its component pieces or how those pieces can be replaced, removed, or rearranged. Naturally, my reaction is, I don’t know what I’m looking at. MJ’s and CG’s reaction is, LETS KNOCK DOWN SOME WALLS!!! My reaction is useless and unproductive. Their reaction is dangerous, but could be fun. We met in the middle and talked to the husband of one of MJ’s coworkers, who is an architect. He came over to the house a month or two ago and did his architect thing, and we paid him with coconut cake. I had given them some financial advice about a year ago for roughly the same price. Anyway, they invited us to their house for dinner so we could see some drawings of his ideas. They all rocked. Dinner? not so much. We had some kind of a ham roll that had been in the freezer since Christmas. She told us this point blank. It was good, but I have a meat tooth – basically the same palate as a hyena. The vegetables were very fresh, but the food itself wasn’t the problem. It was the choice of food that was. The coworker was kind of pushy with MJ about having this get together, and then she served us her garbage. It wasn’t malicious. I think it never crossed her mind that feeding guests stuff she pulled from the back of the freezer might be considered bad form. Or serving people she doesn’t know very well out of the ordinary recipes. We all happen to like asparagus, but it’s a bold ingredient. I’m going to write down some words and you can make what you will of them: three month old fruit filled pork roll. We don’t host a lot of stuff because we feel the pressure to make sure our guests enjoy themselves. Hence the Panini grill and deep fat fryer. Melted cheese and things battered and fried are universal. I would never serve my – well Giada’s – asparagus carbonara to people I barely knew and bullied into coming over to my house, even though it’s out of this world delicious. It’s got a red pepper glaze and is served on a bed of fettuccini with a fried egg on top. I also wouldn’t make my guests feel bad about bringing over a homemade apple pie. Yeah, we’re sorry for showing up with what might be, calorie for calorie, the best desert in the world. I’m making it sound like the night was awful, which it wasn’t. It was good company, and overall, everyone enjoyed themselves. But the preceding 450 words is why we don’t go out much.