Sunday, April 5, 2009
It Needs to Be Big, And It Needs to Say Tide on It.
I’m reading Dr. Denis Leary’s Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy, and Stupid, so maybe I’m a little bit extra cynical, a little bit extra jaded. I read a blog post/column in the New York Times a couple of days ago that really got under my skin. It had to do with new research suggesting that breast milk isn’t really that much better than modern formula, and about the nefarious evil that is the breast pump. I don’t have a problem with the new research. I’m highly skeptical, and I’m inclined to trust millions of years of evolution over the results of a study conducted by a company that makes baby formula, especially since the formula shares some of its finer ingredients with rocket fuel. Not the Red Bull style energy drink, the stuff that pushes multiple tons of metal past escape velocity. But I’m not questioning the research on its face. The problem I have is with the reaction of the writer and her gaggle of friends, who have all been traumatized by the act of breast pumping. It’s why everyone else, everywhere else hates America to the core of their bones. No one has ever thought or said breast pumping was easy. I understand that La Leche are a bunch of zealots and pressure all mothers to breast feed. But this group loses me when one of them says, “That was my least favorite thing I ever did in my whole life.” The women of Darfur weep for you. The 26 year old mother of two whose husband stepped on an IED in Iraq is glad she’s not you. They go on to talk about what a chore motherhood is and how they should have more maternity leave, to the tune of six months. Be careful what you wish for, ladies. You may get all the maternity leave you want and then some. I doubt they’ll call it “maternity” leave. They’ll just tell you to leave because the company is going out of business. If you don’t want to pump or breastfeed, then come to a decision with your significant other before you get pregnant. You can breast feed your kids, you can feed them formula, or you can – and this is my default recommendation – not have them at all. If you’re worried your husband won’t have sex with you because breastfeeding and pumping make your nipples funny looking, then your husband is probably gay and you have some self esteem issues. I honestly try to live my life by understanding where other people are coming from. I remind myself everyday how lucky I am to be a healthy American with a beautiful family and a job. When people are complaining in a newspaper about how their lives were nearly ruined by breast pumping, right next to an article about the 600 thousand people who lost their jobs in February it makes it difficult for me to take them seriously. When are we going to get around to legalizing weed? I think I’m off my soapbox.
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4 comments:
Had to check the link. I was afraid you had started reading the mommyblogs...
but when you're right, you're right.
I stumbled across this one, too, and was initially amused and even thought briefly, "Right on!" But ultimately, I was disappointed. I liked a lot of the comments much better than the article, and I really liked the point about how the breastfeeding battle really only takes place among educated, mostly upper-class white women. The rest of the world doesn't give a crap. What I hate, though, is that pumping doesn't work that well for all women. And some women aren't successful breastfeeding at all. And since it's clear that breast is best, it makes those of us that don't do it well feel horrible. Maybe I didn't try hard enough, maybe I should have pumped a few times during the night, maybe I should have left work three times a day to nurse my baby instead of pumping, maybe I should have taken more supplements, etc. etc. etc. So in that sense, I desperately want to hear that formula is perfectly fine, and I need to see the millions of babies who grew up on formula who have gone on to be perfectly fine and capable and smart and successful.
What most commenters said, which is so obvious, is that today, in 2009, we have a CHOICE. We can work it out however we want--exclusive breast, exclusive pump, exclusive formula, a little of everything. It's nobody's business so shut up about it. I guess choices automatically elicit debate, because people feel they need to justify theirs when someone else makes a different choice. But it definitely takes away from the real issue, which is whether or not we truly support children in our society. If we do, then we should provide longer maternity/paternity leave, and subsidize quality daycare. Period.
There, now I'm off my soapbox. I was actually thinking about writing my own blog post about this, because I had a discussion in the car once with a woman who had no kids and she clearly did not support paid maternity leave for parents. Her view was that it's not fair to those without kids. WTF? First of all, maternity leave is NOT a vacation, regardless of what people think. And second of all, there are two many "seconds of all" to go into here. Maybe I will blog about it!
So back to the article in point, maybe she was just going to the extreme to make a point, but what a freakin' disservice to women. Honestly.
Wow! Beth. You said all of that much better than I did. You should start writing my blog for me. 300-500 words everyday on anything you want.
Silly LJ--you said it in a MUCH more entertaining way! And everything you said is exactly what 90% of the readers were thinking! When you go all famous on us, I want to be your editor! :-)
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