Suicidal Tendencies Isn't Just A Band - It's A Great Band

MJ and I took LMJ on a walk tonight and while the evil baby was secretly falling asleep MJ was telling me about where her mind was wandering when she couldn’t find me this afternoon. I was having a nine martini lunch like I do everyday and I had my phone off. As any spouse does, her mind immediately went to the worst possible scenario – my bloody death. The conversation strayed into suicide and MJ not really understanding how someone could get to that point. I can. There’s a reason I approach double digit martinis at lunch five times a week. I skip coffee on the weekend and start pounding beers at sunrise. This is a list of reasons I will kill myself

• The Jaguars take a quarterback in the first round of the draft
• Men In Black 3 gets made
• The Seminoles don’t beat the Gators in football in the next two years
• The Gators win another national championship
• I’m forced to watch Slumdog Millionaire
• Sean Penn is elected to public office
• Sean Hannity is elected to public office
• Moon River Pizza closes
• The Jaguars don’t make the playoffs and Jack Del Rio keeps his job
• It rains everyday of spring break (uh-oh)

I wonder if it would be a violation of the terms of service to post this as a meme on Facebook. Name the top ten reasons you’d selfishly eat a bullet so your significant other could find your brains plastered all over the wall, and pass it on to ten friends. Let’s see how long it takes for all of Facebook to do it – the list not the act. I saw what they tried to do to Judas Priest back in the ‘80’s and they’re not going to get me the same way. There are just a couple of ground rules to be in this group: no pills, no CO poisoning. It has to involve firearms and/or explosives. Collateral damage is up to you, your conscience, and your God.