Would She Be Wearing Clear Heels?

I did the 5 People You Want to Have Dinner With thing on Facebook. It’s supposed to be five dead people, but Jessica Alba wound up on my list. I imagine these people are going to be brought back to life, otherwise dinner will not only be boring but gross, so Jessica stays. The list is Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., Benjamin Franklin, Martin Luther, and Jessica Alba. Everybody except Ms. Alba is on the list because I want to ask them two questions: What was it like, and what do you think? As I’m thinking about it, the seating chart would be difficult. I feel like a teacher. I want to put Malcolm X and MLK together because they were from the same time and place. But I don’t want to put Malcolm X and Martin Luther together because one is a Muslim, who doesn’t drink, the other is a German who makes his own beer. I don’t want to put Jessica Alba too close to Benjamin Franklin because I’m pretty sure he’d violate her personal space. We’re not really supposed to talk about it, but Dr. King might get a bit touchy too. What’s funny is that Bill Clinton and Thomas Jefferson almost made this list. I guess, going clockwise around the table it would go: me, Alba, X, King, Luther, and Franklin. After everyone was seated, I’d start with the questions. What would Malcolm and Martin think about Obama, and Michael Steele, and Flavor Flav, and Hilary Clinton? Would they be excited? Would they be sad? I’d ask Ben Franklin what he thought about the road this country – his country – had taken, and if I made the right Jessica choice or should I have invited Biel. I’d ask him for stories about Washington, Adams, and Jefferson – the gossipy style stuff. I’d ask Martin Luther if knowing how his theses affected Christianity and if he could go back in time would he take a claw hammer with him. I’m starting to rethink my Jessica Alba choice. I don’t know anything about her except that she’s really, really hot and she makes really, really bad movies. She’s not a psycho like Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears, and she doesn’t have a reputation for being a diva like Jennifer Lopez or Madonna. I don’t know, maybe she’d have some interesting questions for the other guests. Yeah, that doesn’t help me out at all. I’m changing my pick to Mary Magdalene. Dinner just got interesting.