This Thing Should Come With A Sawed Off Shotgun

I’m not a car guy, but AWWW HELL YEAHH!!! Every other car that’s ever been built is now gay. Women can’t sit in it because it will impregnate them. This is the Lotus Exige Stealth, which is a dumb name. There’s nothing stealthy about it. They should have named it the Bas Rutten because it’s made out of equal parts knees to the face and kicks to the liver. Actually, only the ones going to Japan are being called Stealth. The rest of them are named Exige Scura. Scura is Italian for black, but there’s speculation that the Stealth name change is because scura is too close to the Japanese word for scene of carnage. I guess no one in marketing actually looked at the car. I’m a little bit surprised that Lotus built it. The last cool car they made was the Esprit, which is now better known for being an 80’s girls’ clothes company than a sports car. Even though James Bond drove them in The Spy Who Loved Me and For Your Eyes Only, Lotus has always seemed to me to have an almost tweed impertinence. The Exige Scura is going to change that. Unfortunately, they’re making less than fifty of them and none of them are coming to North America, at least this year. I’m also not happy that it’s relatively cheap. Tricked out it’s going to sell for $75k and I don’t know if that will kill demand because no one wants anything cheap or if it will drive demand and Lotus will make a bunch of them. If Lotus makes a bunch of them then every douche bag yuppie going through a mid-life crisis is going to want one, me included, and then they won’t be special anymore. There should be some kind of badass qualification to be allowed to buy this car. You should have to kill somebody with your bare hands and then drop a one liner while putting on some shades. There’s your credit application.