My bad mood from being uncomfortable because it’s a trillion degrees below zero in the house and stupid Facebook updates from stupid people I wish I had never friended don’t mix. I thought it was the updates themselves that bothered me, but it’s not. It’s the people. I now know this because all Facebook updates are pretty much the same, but when someone I like is updating that they liked a movie, I think maybe I should see that movie. When someone I don’t like – but for some reason have subjected myself to their inane ramblings – makes the exact same post I want them to die violently.
“Really, you want to thank Tim Tebow for all he’s done? What if I butcher your children in front of you and hang you with their intestines? Will you still be a Gator fan then?
That’s probably not a healthy, let alone appropriate, reaction to, well anything, but I don’t like the Gators and people shouldn’t talk about them. Maybe it’s because I’m cold or maybe it’s because I’ve been watching The Tudors. 16th century England wasn’t as squeamish about enhanced interrogation as 21st century America. I wish I had the courage to post absurd status updates on Facebook, or knew someone high up in the FBI so I wouldn’t get in trouble with the police when I did. I think some of my “friends” need to be disturbed, and f**k ‘em if they can’t take a joke. My problem is cyberspace. I don’t have this problem with people in real life. I saw a Facebook friend today in Whole Foods who I hadn’t seen in a few years. He doesn’t update his status much and I was genuinely glad to see him. He’s a nice guy and he’s not stupid. He’s also heterosexual, which was a huge surprise for me. He didn’t turn me down for sex. He introduced me to his girlfriend; that’s how I know. I run into a habitual Facebook tweeter occasionally and his updates usually bug me, but IRL he’s a nice guy. Maybe it’s time for a Facebook break. I gotta mellow out.
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