You Will Please Make Me Michelangelo’s David

…with Play-Doh. On second thought, just make me his collected works. LMJ doesn’t understand the limits of my sculpting talents. Actually, there are no limits because there is no talent. We were playing with her Play-Doh kit, and I didn’t notice it until she requested something I had no hope of doing, but she kept bumping up the degree of difficulty of her requests. It started out with a purple bowling ball. I did that with no problem. I even buffed out the cracks. It wasn’t PBA regulation, but I’m sure Fred Flintstone would have been proud to roll it. Before I was done with the bowling ball, the request changed. She wanted purple bowling pins and a yellow bowling ball. I don’t know how to make bowling pins. I’ve never been good with visual arts because I can’t see how the blank medium becomes the finished product. I can’t see proportions. I didn’t know that eyes went in the middle of a face and towards the top until an art teacher expressed it in those basic terms. I drew a lot of non forehead havin’ mike foxtrots growing up, and could never figure out what was wrong with them or why I couldn’t fix it. The bowling pins were going to be a challenge for me. I was proud that I figured them out and I made ten of them. I had my technique down and was firing them off an assembly line. They were better than proportional; they were uniform. After the pins were done, the yellow bowling ball was cake. The only hard part was LMJ trying to figure out how to position her hand so she could roll the ball underhanded like she sees on the Wii because she was too close. We were having fun bowling a couple of Play-Doh frames, when I guess she got bored and asked me to make her a jungle with a coconut tree and a monkey. There’s not a chance in all of hell that I can make a jungle with a coconut tree and a monkey. Luckily I was saved by Mommy ringing the dinner bell.