No I'm Not Stoned.

Today felt like fall to me. The temperature was below incinerate and it was gray. Comcast came to some type of accord with the NFL so now I have the NFL Network and 24 hours of football every day. I love the change of seasons and I’m about done with summer. I’m looking forward to football games that count and daily highs of 82 degrees Fahrenheit instead of Celsius. I think MJ may have felt the autumn too because she was in the mood for tempura. Deep fried? Yes, please. We always seem to have tempura as the seasons turn from summer to fall. The females went to Publix to get the fixings while I heated up the oil. MJ made the sauce while I fried the shrimp, broccoli, sweet potatoes, onions, green peppers, bananas, and chicken. It was all delicious. I don’t use any candy ass panko because it’s a crutch and I can’t win with that dish. Look, I’m not here to make friends. When no one was looking, I dropped some Hebrew National Franks into Jesus. I call the deep fryer Jesus because it’s the truth. I don’t know if the Japanese have batter fried some hot dogs yet, but I’m certain they’d be down with it. They take everything to the nth degree. I watched Andrew Zimmern try some mayonnaise soup at a mayonnaise restaurant in Tokyo. Any country where a mayonnaise restaurant is financially viable wouldn’t think twice about some lips and assholes tempura. The dogs were exactly what you would expect them to be: heavy, greasy, and delicious. CG tried one – big ups to her. MJ was offended, like I sold out the Franks in their attic. I didn’t sell them out, I deep fried them. Get it? It’s Anne Frank Holocaust humor. See hot dogs are also called franks. Is this thing on? Maybe I need a better filter on my brain. MJ pointed out the irony of me being upset that my dad was in the hospital yesterday with chest pains and insanely high blood pressure, yet here I am a day later deep frying hot dogs. I’m not listening to her because she came home without my malt liquor. If she had ever loved me she would have driven to Georgia and gotten me a couple of forties, but alas, at least I have my Hebrew nitrates, which I know are healthy because they say pareve right there on the package.