Go Bama! Roll Tide

I am so happy the Gators lost. Schadenfreude doesn’t come close to describing how I feel. I hate the Florida Gators. I hate their Notre Dame arrogance and Clemson history. I hate their stupid uniforms. I don’t know what I hate more the effeminate cursive Gators on their main helmets or the big F on their back up helmets. I hate that according to Gator fan Shane Matthews and Danny Wuerfful are two of the top five football players ever. I hate a grown man crying (again) because he lost a football game. I hate the eye black Bible versus. John 3:16, how about Austin 3:16 or Ingram 3:16? I don’t think Tim Tebow is a virgin anymore.

Nick Saban: Don’t tell anyone about this, Tim, because even if you do, no one is going to believe you. Your money’s on the table. Be gone when I get out of the shower.

I think there’s something wrong with me. I’m like a crab, more interested in keeping another crab from getting out of the bucket than I am getting out myself. I’m enjoying the Gators losing a lot more than I ever enjoyed the Seminoles winning. Maybe it’s because I always expected the Seminoles to win when they were good.  I don’t even care that Florida State just completed the most dysfunctional college football season ever by losing to Florida for the sixth time in a row. The college football gods doing their Lucy van Pelt imitation and treating the Gators like Charlie Brown has made this a merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, and a soulful(?) Kwanzaa. Losing their first game in their last game is almost perfect. The only way this could have been better is if they had lost on a bad call, but then they might have been able to bully themselves into a rematch in the national title game. I guess I shouldn’t get greedy, no undefeated season, no national championship, no conference championship. Go Gators Die slowly! Die painfully you sons of bitches.

I need serious psychiatric help.