When The World Gives You Old People, Make Lemonade

I showed up at the pool this morning and it was full of old people doing the YMCA dance in the water. They were taking up the whole pool like this was some AARP cruise. I was not very happy because my trips to the gym have gone from “Hey, I think I’ll go to the gym” to “Is that everything? Man, I hope that’s everything”. I dress in my trunks and shirt with flip-flops on my feet for the ride there. I pack two pairs of shorts, one to minimize chafing and one to look stylish, a pair of sneakers, an iPod and earphones, a quart of water/Gatorade, my wallet, my phone, my keys, and my membership card. It’s ridiculous. I really like swimming because it’s new and it’s intense exercise that’s pain free. Until a month ago I thought those two things were mutually exclusive. Now I’ve got a bunch of octogenarians harshing my gig. Fine, I can call an audible. I checked to spin bike and elliptical. I wanted to give my joints a break from the dreadmill. I’d never been on a spin bike. I spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to track my stats on the thing before I got frustrated and moved to the old(er) school stationary bike. Riding a bike and not going anywhere is even more frustrating and excruciating than running and not going anywhere. I really did not want to be there. Stationary bike time is almost as bad as DMV time or waiting in line to pay tuition time (does that still exist?). I got so frustrated that I made a deal with myself that I could quit as soon as I went fifteen miles. The heart monitor is in a comfortable spot so I got to watch red lights blinking at me telling me I was above my cardio zone for forty-five minutes. I didn’t care. I had to get off that thing. On the plus side, I didn’t have to change clothes. I drank my Gatorade while I caught my breath and did an hour on the elliptical. My thighs were very “tight” when I was done. They were shaky enough for me to have to concentrate on not falling down the stairs. It was a very good workout, and I was smart enough to pick up a pool schedule on the way out the door.