I Know We Wanted to Go to Maine. How Was I Supposed to Know There Was a Portland, Oregon?

We went to the beach today for the first time in the van. We got there late and had to go to a different spot, but other than that it was a typical beach trip. The drive home, however, wasn’t. We came to a crossroads when we punched our address into the navigation system. It took about twelve seconds to map out the easiest route, and I knew that I was never going to pay attention to where I was again. Why would I, I’ve got the navigation system? I wonder if this is how it feels getting high on heroin for the first time. Do you just stop trying? This is what was going through my head as some dude told us where and when to turn. I’ve always taken a certain pride in knowing the area, but now there’s no need. Actually, I’m looking forward to punching in Publix’s address just to see if the thing will ask me if I’m kidding. The directions from my house to Publix are back out of driveway; turn right into parking lot half a mile away. The navigation system will be extremely useful going to Correspondence’s house. MJ and I know one way, and one way only, to get there, and if we show up before the sun goes down we’ll probably only pass it and have to turn around once. If we’re not turning off of Beach Blvd., we’re not finding it at all. I think this thing is saving marriages. I know I’ve been looking at a map and screaming(back) at MJ, and I’ve thought about jerking the wheel so we would slam into a bridge embankment, hopefully killing me quickly and her slowly, which would prove that I was right. That’s not going to happen anymore. As long as everything is typed in correctly, if we get lost it will be Honda’s fault. Man, I hope there’s a spell check.