I'm Trying Paragraphs

I had a generally boring and uneventful day. I have nothing to write about. The only interesting thing that happened was I ran into an old acquaintance that was in town because the guy that assaulted her fifteen years ago was getting out of prison, and the state wanted her here to testify at his release hearing about whether he should be let out or institutionalized. I didn't press for details because what he did was beyond f**ked up and I’m sure she’s not thrilled about reliving it once for the state, let alone another time for a curious jackass.

The next most exciting thing that happened today was when CG fired MJ and LMJ. CG is doing some landscaping and MJ and LMJ were “helping”. MJ was letting CG know how the job could be done more efficiently, while LMJ was undoing stuff that had just been done. I was a model employee and expertly moving heavy things. It was funny – at least for me – watching MJ and her mini-me ignore the fact that they’d been fired. CG said, “You know, this is actually easier when you all don’t help”. I chimed in with, “Ha, ha! You got fired!” None of it registered with either one of them. They kept on doing what they were doing. I wound up playing security and escorting them to the backyard. It was 92 degrees and there were sharp, heavy objects lying around. CG has never been the violent type, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

These posts would be a lot easier if cocaine was legal. I’ve never done cocaine, stimulants aren’t my thing, but I bet the world would be a lot more exciting if it was full of Bobby’s and Whitney’s. Just think about the gun laws in Florida, Virginia, and Texas. Now think about legalized cocaine. How frackin’ awesome would the news be everyday? Would Starbucks go out of business or would it become a shooting gallery? I think Bill O’Reilly is already coked out of his gourd, but I’d pay fifty bucks to watch Rush Limbaugh’s head explode after the 2010 midterm elections. He’d drop that sissy oxycontin and move on to some top shelf Colombian yeyo. Cocaine is better than the synthetic stuff, which is why it’s illegal. Stephen King was a cokehead, and so was Sigmund Freud. Robert Louis Stevenson wrote Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in six days on a cocaine bender. Clearly, the booger sugar is the key to all of our unwritten novels.