Sorry Honey, But There's No Rice for Dinner Tonight

MJ tricked me into watching the season premier of Jon & Kate plus 8. It was awesome. There was some tension built during the hiatus. The word around the interwebs is that Jon cheated on Kate with a twenty-three year old teacher somewhere in Pennsylvania. There’s also the somewhat less substantiated rumor that Kate is sleeping with her bodyguard. Kate vehemently denies the whole thing in a very convincing fashion. When Jon was asked about his alleged dalliance by the producers he hemmed and hawed and basically said he did not have sexual relations with that woman Ms. Lewinsky. I don’t think she cheated. I hope he used a condom. The skank poor innocent young woman he didn’t pick up in a hotel bar buries the needle on my gold digger detector. But whether he cheated on his wife or not is irrelevant at this point because he clearly hates her. She still thinks she can fix it (no you can’t) and is doing the strong woman thing. I’d have more sympathy for them but they got hopped up on fertility drugs and had a litter, and they couldn’t deal with the pressure – not that anyone could – but I don’t feel bad for people who HAVE TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN!!! when nature tells them no. They had two beautiful twin girls, but they had to do the American thing and get greedy. Well, be careful for what you wish for. I hope the show goes one of three ways. The first is that they patch everything up and live happily ever after. Yes, I’m a bitch. The second is I hope Kate loses her mind and goes black. If she’s holding her children alone, crying, and singing Negro spirituals it will be a great moment not just in television but in history. Don’ chu worry mah lil’ babies. Jesus’ll take care a’ us. The third scenario, the one I hope for, the one I’m probably going to Hell for, is for Kate to go off the deep end. It doesn’t matter what she does; everyone hates her anyway. I want her to look dead into the camera and tell America and the world that none of this would have happened if she had married a white guy. I don’t know if I want John on the couch next to her when she says it or not. On the one hand I want to see his reaction. He seems pretty unflappable but I bet that would flap him. On the other hand the moment might lose something because she might just be saying it to hurt his feelings. Either way I’m sure I’d break a rib laughing.