Out Of The Blue

My mom had her retirement reception today in a dungeon at the Blue Cross/Blue Shield office in Riverside. A bunch of nice people talked about how she was the bee’s knees, and they’re going to miss her both personally and professionally. My mom had prepared some remarks and she is an incredible public speaker. I had never heard her give a speech or talk or whatever we’re calling it these days. If I sound nonchalant about this it’s because when I walked into the lobby I had a surprise waiting for me. My enigmatic uncle Cochise was standing there, my mom’s youngest brother. He’s a genuine psychopath and he always has been, which is why he’s one of my favorite people in the world. I think the best way to describe him is if my dark side got up off the couch and entered the world. Cochise has suffered from some delusions of grandeur that, thankfully, seem to be fading as he approaches fifty. I think he may have taken some Bruce Lee movies in the early seventies a little too seriously. A lot of his stories end with… and so Cochise punched the guy in the face, or… and Cochise bounced the guy’s head off the tank, or my favorite… if the sergeant gets out of the car somebody has to go to jail. Usually the violence comes from someone disrespecting a woman in front of him. A big part of his job is training local police forces how to deal with domestic violence calls. The other part of his job is a mystery for national security reasons. He pops into our lives, far too infrequently, out of thin air. He would have been one of the last people I would have expected to see today, but at the same time it makes complete sense that he was there. He’s a confirmed bachelor and made fun of me about my mini-van. He gave some training tips about getting ready for the Ironman before I’m fifty. He’s an Ironman veteran. He also gave me a collapsible police baton, as he put it “something every father of a daughter needs”.