Plutonium on a Stick?!? Can I Have Two?!?

Of all the Publix grocery stores in the universe ours is the smallest, but that didn’t stop them from putting a baby grand piano in the foyer with the carts, the scale, and all of the entering and exiting customers and staff. They also had people handing out free samples of everything from shrimp to pomegranate 7-up. It’s Christmas time. Well, not really, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet but this is America. I don’t mind. Christmas is my favorite time of year so if it gets started early that’s fine with me. This is generally MJ’s attitude as well, but she has a lot on her mind right now, and she hates crowds. When grocery stores give out free stuff crowds gather. MJ got antsy. She could tell the moment we heard the “singer” butchering some carol that it was going to be a stressful trip. I thought it was funny; kind of like Christmas Vacation. It was about 5 o’clock so the store was as packed as it gets anyway. The free stuff kiosks in the small store didn’t help. I was fine until people wouldn’t get out my way so I could shop. I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for people waiting in line for free frozen meatballs in a crock pot. I’ve never understood why people feel they have to have something just because it’s free. Don’t they know the meatballs are there to boost the sales of Kaopectate and Pepto-Bismol? MJ wanted to get out as quickly as possible. I wanted to make sure we got everything we came for and if some people got bumped with my cart, too bad. Some guy trying to double up on free nine dollar wine is not going to stand in the way of me getting some frijoles negros. It’s nine dollar wine. That’s a half a step up from Mad Dog, and I doubt it comes in peach. If you need to sneak a second sample of some knock off Boone’s Farm then it’s time to become a friend of Bill W. Now I was starting to simmer so we got in line to check out, and the lady in front of us actually knew her PIN. MJ didn’t lose it and start screaming at people. LJ didn’t lose it and start throwing things at people, and we got everything we came for. It was a successful trip. God bless us, everyone.