Exercise is funny. Yesterday I damn near died because my new weight training program is flat out stupid and so am I. However, I do have a modicum of good sense. I’m not dumb enough to Gym Jones my legs then try to run three miles in under a half an hour – not yet anyway, that’s for December. There was no weight lifting today so I did like EJG and JSG and enjoyed a brisk morning six mile run from my house down to the Jacksonville Landing and back. On the way down to the Landing I thought I was taking the easy way out because I was cruising effortlessly at about an eight minute mile pace, but I had forgotten that to the Landing is down hill while from the Landing is up hill. This is the way to do it. I’m excited because I’m getting back into shape. The run home wasn’t comfortable but it wasn’t excruciating. I even had enough left to smile at a nun I passed in the last half of a mile. She scowled at me like I was Pontius Pilate or Martin Luther. Why are nuns so fracking nasty? Be nice you old bat. I remember hearing something about catching more flies with honey than with vinegar. They always seem to have the disposition of a honey dipper with a hole in his boots. I would think that a life of contemplation and service to God would at least make them cordial if not downright cheery, but I guess not. Anyway, I didn’t even have to start bargaining with myself – just make to the corner, okay the next stop light, okay you can make it to St. Vincent’s – until the last mile. I wanted to finish in under an hour and I came in at fifty-two minutes, and that’s with having to stop for rush hour traffic twice. I had to time myself with LMJ’s Itzbeen timer because my trusty Ironman watch died after fifteen years. I tried running with my Citizen but it weighs about five pounds and bangs on my wrist which becomes painful after about a mile. I would have bought a new Ironman but the cheapest one was forty bucks and the last one I bought, fifteen years ago, was twenty. So I’m using a baby timer and rushing upstairs so I can get a rough idea, at best, of how fast I ran. Sometimes is rough being a cheap bastard.
This was just too funny not to post.
6 comments:
That Itzbeen is so handy.
I'm glad you are making the time for yourself to exercise, and to write about it. It's a win-win for your readers and yourself.
I don't see houw six miles in less than an hour is anything like EJG and JSG. Our 10k was 1:02, thank you very much.
That itzbeen thing was surely heavier than the citizen... Perhaps you should sit on Santa's lap and ask for a new ironman?
Loved the extreme medical therapies on TMZ. I may need to try a few Thursday afternoon. Not because of the 1/2 marathon. Because of the family dinner!
10k is more than 6 miles, and I left the Itzbeen upstairs on my dresser so I basically finished my run with a set of stadiums.
Nucking futs, you are.
I can hardly wait to read about your "Landing and Back" runs in the future. I only hope the nun takes her walk at the same time each day.
You are so not right in the head. That being said, if you ever stop posting I will have to come over and sing to you The Best of Bread.
I love that you can take something like your watch, or lack of it and make it worthy of our attention.
Have pity on the penguin set, nun is not only who they are but what they have nookie wise.
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