We Hold These Truths...Man I'm Wasted.

I needed to get the blood flowing this morning and MJ flushed all my cocaine down the toilet, so I went running instead. I got out early enough so I could run fast, but not early enough that it wouldn’t be painful. It wasn’t too bad. I hit my goal, but my legs are a little bit stiff. The reason I needed to get the blood flowing this morning is because I’m going to celebrate the Declaration of Independence with some friends by engaging in some good old fashioned American gluttony. Take that you limey bastards! I would feel bad about the planned overindulgence but I saw a show last night on the History Chanel called Secrets of the Founding Fathers. They interviewed some history professors and some conspiracy theorists who didn’t agree on much, but what they did agree on was that everyone involved with the decision to secede from England was definitely drunk, most likely high, and the only reason the meetings weren’t held at strip clubs is because clear heels hadn’t been invented yet. All these farmers from all thirteen colonies had three things in common: they all made their own booze, they all considered the commandment against adultery as more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule, and they all had large portions of their lands dedicated to the growing of hemp. Blah, blah, blah rope, blah, blah, blah, paper, these fools were high enough to play in the NBA. With the exception of making their own booze, all these guys lived the NBA lifestyle. If it was good enough to start a revolution, then it’s more than good enough to celebrate that revolution. I think drinks should be on the house. The second hour of the show was the conspiracy theorists ranting about how everything that has happened in this country since the Declaration of Independence has been a Masonic plot and the history professors rolling their eyes and clouding things up with logic and facts, and I got bored. Anyway, I plan on pursuing some happiness tonight with good friends and good food, and that’s about as American as I can get.